| |
| |
|
Divorce Information |
|
|
|
Rebuilding Your Life from the Ashes
One peculiar feature of a stepfamily is that they are built on a negative foundation. A stepfamily couple comes to their new home with a full set of baggage, containing memories, wounds, and habits. Probably the biggest piece of baggage that sits in the way of your developing a new life is your connection to your ex-spouse. And, while some ex-es go away physically, many more haunt your life as well as your memories. One of the great mysteries of divorce and remarriage is why many ex-spouses just refuse to turn loose. It has been said that divorce is the single cruelest thing one person can do to another person. The one soul you trusted more than any other with your secrets, your hopes, and your weaknesses turns from their vows and wrenches themselves from your living heart. The phenomenon of the spiteful, vengeful ex-spouse is such a problem that the majority of emails we receive are on that subject. However, in working with thousands of stepfamilies around the world, we've found two facts to be true about dealing with these vindictive ex-es (and they're nearly always ex-wives!): 1) The kids see the truth. Kids aren't stupid. And, although they have a natural tendency to defend even the worst bio-parent, they can see for themselves when adults lie and use them. They see both sides of the story, in both homes. These kids know what your personalities are like, versus her personality. And they are keeping track of everything she tells them that doesn't add up. Now, this doesn't mean that you can use this fact to try to turn the kids to your side. You must behave in the most Christian manner you can. Which leads to one of our Cardinal Rules: Never Criticize Your Stepkids' Other Parent In Front of the Kids. She may actually be a psychopathic shrew or he may indeed be an alcoholic abuser, but if you criticize those monsters where the kids can hear you, those kids will defend them-either aloud or in their minds. 2) Wicked ex-es are not as strong as God. This is a weapon you can use for your defense and against them. If you present the best example of a selfless, loving, gentle Christian stepparent that you possibly can, your stepkids will be able to see and feel the difference in spirit between love and hate. Also, if you constantly return kindness for every time she is mean to you, you will wear her down. These are not "pie in the sky" dreams. I've seen them happen in my own stepfamily and in many others. It is a Christian concept, but it's also fundamental nature. You are not responsible for how she acts toward you. You are only responsible for how you act ... or react ... toward her. Act in such a way that you can feel comfortable with yourself. Show those kids how a real woman handles problems-with strength and self control! While it is sometimes necessary to stand up to vindictive ex-es, the only approach I have ever seen to be completely effective in securing a peaceful home in relation to your ex-spouse is to reach out in love. Now, I'm not throwing flowers around and saying everyone will get just along together. But I am saying that it's pretty much impossible to fight with someone who won't fight back. I'll fall back on some sage advice which says that, "If we only love our friends and hate our enemies, how are we any better than them? But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you." Look at it this way, if you simply react to your ex-es attacks every time he or she says something about you, who is in control of your life? Your ex is. However, if, no matter what they say about you or do to you, you refuse to stoop to their level, if you insist on acting in a superior manner, you-not your ex-are still in control of your mind and life. Jesus wasn't teaching, in the above passage from Matthew, chapter 5, that we are supposed to be wimps. On the contrary, it takes much more courage and character to answer an attack with an attempt to make peace. It is harder, but it is more rewarding. The only sure way to win is to get everyone on the same side. by Bobby Collins © copyright 2000 Bobby Collins is a stepdad first, then a minister, a certified family mediator, and founder of STEP-Carefully! for Stepparents!, the largest faith-based support organization for stepfamilies in the country. His articles have appeared in national publications and he has appeared on national TV and radio programs always teaching stepparents how to have healthier, happier families. His organization can be reached on the Internet at http://www.stepcarefully .com where visitors will find free articles, a free newsletter, and a book store with proven stepfamily resources for sale. Collins is best known for his private family mediation between husbands and wives, ex-spouses, and stepparents and their stepkids. With over a decade of experience, he has helped thousands of stepfamilies survive and succeed. Contact him directly at coach@stepcareful ly.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Divorce and Uncle Sam: Top 10 Things You Should Know When Filing Your Taxes 1. What is my filing status? (Married, Single, Head of Household) Marital standing at year end determines your filing status for the entire year. There Is Life After Divorce A married woman becomes a single woman for one of two reasons: death or divorce. The former is an honourable state, the latter is not. 7 Ways to Rediscover Your True Passion after Divorce Going through a divorce is a very challenging time in a person's life. It is hard to adjust to being single again, as well as living "out of the habit" of being married, especially if you have been married for many, many years. Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When Youre Staying Married Only For Your Children All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending on the characteristics of the children - age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency to trauma - the easier or more difficult it will be for children to weather a divorce. Get Over A Divorce and Prepare for Divorce Recovery! It can be difficult to get over a divorce and cope with a divorce when you are in pain. A ton of emotions and indecisiveness consumes you. Should I Get Divorced? Or Not? No one besides you can determine whether or not a divorce is right for you! But, there are some general questions which pretty much apply to everybody. Thinking about the following issues may help you answer this question for yourself!What specifically is making you think of divorce?Physical AbuseIf your spouse is violent to you and/or your kids, this is a safety issue. Divorce: Secrets To Coping With A Divorce Announcement During a wedding ceremony, when people are joined together in matrimony, they swear and vow to honor and respect each other and to remain partners both during good and bad times.But in most marriages, this is not always the case. Guide To Reducing The Cost Of Divorce Seven Tips to help you keep more of your money at a time when you especially need it to support two households instead of one.Educate yourself. Divorce: Coping With The Family Law Process The EmotionsDivorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for most people, particularly when there are children involved. The mutual friends enjoyed during the marriage may not be of help because those individuals may not want to "pick a side. Reasons You Arent Starting the Decision Making Process About Whether To Get a Divorce Or... Stay MarriedAlong with any tough decision comes reluctance, especially when that decision involves an actual process and might potentially involve emotional pain or anguish. Deciding whether or not to get a divorce or stay married can be a frightening time for most people, even if they know deep inside themselves that they have to actually make a decision, one way or another. The Heart Moves On: Using Ceremony to Mark the End of a Relationship Divorce or the end of a long-term relationship is a particularly difficult experience because it makes you deal with two different sets of issues.Issues of endings, separation, and letting go (disappointment, anger, sadness, fear and trying to achieve closure) Issues of acceptance, forgiveness, becoming open to new beginnings and new possibilities. Divorce Makes Us Stronger My friends call me the "Divorce Poster Child".At the age of 20 I was married, and by 22 I had our first child. Things To Consider When Making A Decision About Divorce When making a divorce decision, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when making a divorce decision which leads to further indecision and frustration. Divorce--Negotiating Agreement: Ten Steps The best predictor of a good divorce outcome is the degree of client control over the negotiation--everything works much better if you have it. This doesn't mean you should not get help and advice from an attorney if you want it; it means you are better off if you plan to do most or all of the negotiating yourself. Tax & Financial Impacts of Divorce: 10 Mistakes to Avoid Divorce is something no one hopes will happen to them when they get married. Unfortunately, almost half of all marriages end in divorce. Steps Toward Divorce When you're faced with the possibility of divorce it's important that you make sure you and your children (if you have any) are taken care of. Before you even visit the attorney you'll want to assess your financial situation. How To Protect Your Life Insurance Policy While Going Through A Divorce Life insurance, more than most things you buy, relates to the circumstances of your life. You buy life insurance to protect your family from financial loss stemming from your death. How to Select a Divorce Lawyer Selecting a divorce lawyer to handle your family law case is a very important decision. The following are a few important criteria to help in finding the right divorce lawyer. Deciding On Spousal Support No matter which side you are on, spousal support is something that will need to be taken care of during a divorce. Something must be decided about spousal support, yet, where are you to begin? What are you going to do to resolve this issue of spousal support? Are you afraid to ask for what you already know you deserve, support? Or, are you on the other side, wondering what is going to be required of you as far as spousal support goes?What is spousal support? Who is entitled to spousal support? Spousal support is support given in the form of money or possessions that helps to support a spouse after a divorce. Getting a Jewish Divorce in the UK What is the Get?The Get is the Jewish form of divorce. The husband and wife must co-operate in obtaining the Get.
|
| Online Divorce Advice for California Legal, financial and self-help info guides clients through the complex maze of divorce with expert advice, information, mediation services, books and a guide to local resources. www.cadivorce.com MOMND Divorce Lawyers Nationally prominent Dallas family lawyers, MOMND is a formidable ally to those facing divorce. Site contains a wealth of info and links about divorce, child custody and adoption. www.momnd.com Stop Your Divorce Stop your divorce or lover's rejection - even when you're the only one who wants to stop it and it seems hopeless…Click here. www.stopyourdivorce.com Premium Online Divorce Advice, $199 Everything created immediately online. 110% guarantee. Seen, CNN and NY Times. No waiting days or weeks for your documents. All for the price of one hour of attorney’s fees. www.ourdivorceagreement.com California Divorce Attorneys American and California State Bar certified lawyer referral service may help you find experienced family law attorneys for divorce, child custody, legal separation, child support and more. www.family-lawyer-referral.com Divorce Advice - Get Online Help Therapists available live via chat or e-mail. Personal counseling 24/7. www.kasamba.com Divorce Psychic Advice 1st time caller specials. $10 for 10 minutes. Private and easy. Top rated psychics specializing in relationship, love and marital issues. Get answers now, 24/7, credit card accepted. www.hollywoodpsychics.com Discover How to Stop a Divorce Now Even if you have lost all hope, you are the only one who wants to try and, interestingly, even if your situation seems unique. What you are about to find out may surprise you. www.savemymarriagenow.com Women, Protect Yourself in a Divorce $47 Women - learn the secrets that guarantee you a successful divorce without reducing your lifestyle? Step-by-step guide shows you how to plan your escape in advance. Advice for women only. Fast and Easy Divorce Advice Our family law attorneys will begin working with you today to help you get a fast and easy divorce, for less than $40. Click now to get the help you need. www.legalhelprightnow.org Divorce Advice for Moms Moms, get divorce advice and connect with other moms. Join free today. www.clubmom.com Divorce Software and Advice File for divorce without the expense of an attorney. $49.95. Complete forms, comprehensive instructions for No Fault Divorce/Dissolution without children. Legal and valid in all states. www.standardlegal.com MOMND Divorce Lawyers Nationally prominent Dallas family lawyers, MOMND is a formidable ally to those facing divorce. Site contains a wealth of info and links about divorce, child custody and adoption. www.momnd.com (Advertiser's Max Bid: $2.26) Need a Divorce Lawyer? Find a local lawyer confidently using Martindale-Hubbell's lawyers.com. www.lawyers.com (Advertiser's Max Bid: $2.25) Divorce Lawyer LegalMatch searches for the right family attorney in your area. Attorneys are pre-screened and qualified, complete with ratings and resumes. www.legalmatch.com (Advertiser's Max Bid: $1.02) Less Lawyer - Premium Web Divorce $199 Everything created immediately online. 110% guarantee. Seen, CNN and NY Times. No waiting days or weeks for your documents. All for the price of one hour of attorney’s fees. www.ourdivorceagreement.com Divorce Lawyers Learn about family law from a divorce lawyer in your area. www.familylawlawyershop.com California Lawyer Referral Service Free case review. Service certified by the California and American Bar Associations will refer you to prescreened lawyers in most areas of law, including divorce. www.getareferral.com Divorce Lawyer Our family law attorneys will begin working with you today to help you get a fast and easy divorce, for less than $40. Click now to get the help you need. www.legalhelprightnow.org Divorce Lawyer Search Top Lawyers of America site to find a lawyer or law firm in your city. Get legal information about divorce, real estate, immigration, personal injury. www.toplawyersofamerica.com home | site map |
| © 2006 |
